“There are no more barriers to cross. All I have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward it I have now surpassed. My pain is constant and sharp, and I do not hope for a better world for anyone. In fact, I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape. But even after admitting this, there is no catharsis; my punishment continues to elude me, and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself. No new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession has meant nothing.”

What if someone is watching everything I do online? They could even be watching me through my webcam. I mean, it isn’t that big of a stretch to think it possible is it? As a person with an overwhelming sense of morbid curiosity, I find myself wondering what would some CIA/FBI agent think of all the weird, violent, disturbing, fucked up shit I read about online all the time. Sometimes it scares me knowing that the wrong keystroke could put me on some kind of watch list. How easy would it be for "them" to accuse me of planning some kind of crime when in reality I'm just reading about true crime stuff? I don’t know which is more frightening: the idea that someone is keeping watch on me or the idea that some up and coming cop could decide to make a name for themselves by accusing me of planning some zany crime.  

It's too cold out.

There, I said it. I'm sick of being bullied, stalked, guilted, and harassed. I'm just an ungrateful son, I guess.

I'm going to try to be a little less depressing if I can help it and more poetic. My general philosophy has been pretty much something between nihlistic and chilled out bliss the past few years. Everyone should relax and take a deep breath every once and a while. Enjoy the air before it rots you.  I hope that one day I can upgrade my music making software. Until then, enjoy these completely electronic songs created for you, my dear dark passenger rip off. They are completely free, like my soul. They are not meant to be great, only enjoyed.

http://divinorum.newgrounds.com/audio/

Dead babies, dead babies flying through the air
Dead babies, dead babies over here and over there
Dead babies, dead babies all piled in a stack
Dead babies, dead babies a protein rich snack

Dead babies, dead babies, and some are in jars
Dead babies, dead babies ran over by cars
Dead babies, dead babies good food for dogs
Dead babies, dead babies, and even for hogs

Dead babies, dead babies all covered with flies
Dead babies, dead babies with forks in their eyes
Dead babies, dead babies on marionette strings
Dead babies, dead babies such humorous things

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go do drugs and worship the devil.

Medicate me.

Feelin' Crazy.

Is is suicide or homicide?

You decide.

Insanity is a rational decision.

I love the movie Hellraiser because It think it would have scared the shit out of 10 year old me. I wish Clive Barker still made movies.

I miss the old internet. You know, back before it became one giant advertisement. Now everything you do is monitored and logged. You can’t go two clicks without advertisements being jammed down your throat and up your ass at the same time. Why do I have to give google my address, phone number, sperm count, and liver panel anyway? It's none of your fucking business, you souless corporation. The internet used to be all about information and free speech. Now it’s one giant billboard.

I've been up all night. It snowed in ernest for the first time this winter. There are still flurries coming down. Everytime it snows I feel like I should go make a snow angel or something. It feels almost like a sin to waste a snow day. I guess that's a throwback to my school days. I hated school and prayed to satan for blizzards. Did you know that I once had a psycho stalker as a girlfriend? True story.

I am so fucking bored. If only I could make music that sounded as cool as some of the shit on here. Some of this stuff is amazingly good...and it's free. I love you all. Love, peace, and chicken grease, muddafuckas.